Questions I ponder.....Hmmm!!

Doing some self reflection today and wondering WHAT I really want and WHY. Some of my friends envy my life ( I wonder why? because I dont). Not having to answer to anyone, making my own decisions, and basically running my family the way I feel is appropriate. While this may sound GREAT to many.....it's also a lonely life at times. I have wonderful, supportive friends and family and I'm constantly busy with teaching, Austin's baseball, now coaching Collin's team..... but there is still that void. The sad part is.... I'm getting use to that void and wonder if I will ever want to rearrange my life to let another in.
Many know that I am stubborn and competitive. But I'm also fun, energetic, and loyal. For my boys sake I hope that we will have a family of four again.... I know they need a male figure to look up to. I on the other hand, may just be happy to be alone!
If life was perfect (which of course it isn't) I'd have my husband back and the family we planned. Although I'm past the "angry" stage and I've accepted what life has thrown at me... I still get pissed whenever I watch those medical shows and I see patients in very similar conditions that my husband was in and they of course miraculously pull thru!! That's horrible to say..... I should be happy for these families but instead I'm upset that this same miracle didn't happen to my family. Why did my boys get delt a bad hand??? Will I be able to raise them up correctly and have their father look down with pride???
People call me strong.... but little do they know that I'm terrified that I will screw up my boys lives and I'm not as confident as many believe. It's almost like an "act" sometimes. Some people think I just need the right man in my life and I'm just wondering if I want a man at all.
I'm even wondering why I'm blogging about this. It's quite personal!! However, only close friends and family read this and respond. They probably already know half this stuff anyways. Just one of those sentimental days I guess.

LET'S PLAY BALL!!!!!!

Yes, baseball is finally here!!! No more inside soccer and driving home in the dark. Days will be spent outside on warm sunny evenings practicing the beloved sport of baseball. Many of you know that this year I will have 2 boys that will be involved in our Fruitland Little League ( whew... lots of running around for mom ). However, I was asked by my older son's coach to coach my younger son's team. HA.... was my initial reaction. Then I really thought about it and realized that I could really pull this off. Knowing I will be living at the baseball fields anyways....why not lend my talents of coaching??? ( o.k..... you can stop laughing now ) Knowing that I have soooo much patience (ha) it should be pretty fun watching a bunch of 5 and 6 year olds chase butterflies and play in the dirt while trying to teach the basic fundamentals of baseball. I'm thinking a big bottle of xanax should do the trick!!!

But on a serious note.... I think my husband would be proud of me and hopefully this will be a lasting memory for my son. I still think about him when I'm faced with decisions about our boys. What would we do? How would he react? I feel great about this decision and I hope I'm making Jody proud!!!

Now........... let's play some ball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Opps... there should be a pic of a baseball field in the top left corner, but obviously I don't know how to do this yet!!! Sorry

OH YES THEY CALL HIM THE STREAK!!!!!!

My family consists of my oldest son... who is 8 , my youngest son...who is currently 4, and of course myself. We try to stick to a pretty strict routine during the week and weekends are filled with sports events ( between 2 boys...whew!! ). Anyways, let me get to the point of this story. Tuesday and Thursday nights my youngest always has an appointment between 6:30 - 7:00. During this time my oldest and I usually run errands or complete his homework. Half an hour isn't a lot of time to really accomplish too much. Anyways, this past Tuesday my oldest and I drove real quickly to the local grocery store to pick up just a few items. My oldest is a big help to me and on the way out he was carrying 2 heavy bags to the car. He started laughing to me that his pants were starting to fall down. I just told him to keep walking and he'll be fine. Needless to say, the laughter gets louder and louder and I look over at him to see his jeans down by his ankles and him still walking and carrying the bags. We were at the car by this time and we both just fell to the ground laughing hysterically. While on-lookers might have found us "crazy"........ we celebrated a magical moment. Someone once wrote: Life isn't measured by how many breaths you take, but by how many moments take your breath away. Let's just say, that night took my breath away and I know it is a moment my son and I will never forget. I also learned that night that I need to buy a belt for my son. HA!!!

Whew!!!!

I finally set up a blog! Not too painful, just took some time to design the page itself. My blogs will most likely consist of my ever hectic life, family, and dear ol friends. My life is easily described like a roller coaster ride.... so come along for a ride.... I'm sure you'll enjoy lots of laughs.